Photo by Vladislav Babienko on Unsplash
As I continue my search and see more and more layoffs, I wanted to share a few lessons I’ve learned over the years that keeps me in the fighting spirit. I hope my story and these lessons resonate with you to keep on keeping on.
On who I am
At the time of this writing, I’m currently experiencing my fourth unemployment stint since graduating from college in 2014. Not something I’m proud to share, but important for you to know that these are lessons hard learned.
The first came almost a year after graduating college when I got my “dream job” working in professional sports, but I quickly realized I did not want to actually pursue that line of work. That realization really messed with my head by the time I got laid off, but that experience taught me early on:
Are you following your passion, or are you following your interest?
Passion and interest are two very different things.
Being passionate about what you do means you truly enjoying getting better at it.
The work holds your attention, you don’t mind the hours you put in, and although work is still work at the end of the day…there’s some level of fulfillment you get out of it…day-to-day, week-to-week, year-to-year…that makes you wanting to come back for more.
I think sports was (and remains) a strong interest of mine, but as a form of work, it didn’t click the way I thought it would. This was a strange feeling to have had at 23 after leaving home to obtain a sports business degree and getting the kind of job I worked hard to get.
I won’t get into the other reasons that affected my mindset at the time, but it culminated into not wanting to invest the time to get better at it.
Annnd that’s when they decided they didn’t want to invest any more time in me either which led to my second lesson:
If you don’t manage your career, someone else will
This speaks to 3 things:
- Building relationships at work is absolutely vital to not just having a thriving career, but protecting it too. That said…
- Always keep your head on a swivel. Despite any success you’ve had so far and the relationships you’ve built, you may just be on the wrong team at the wrong time. Pay attention to how the business is doing and how important your team really is to the ever-shifting goals of the business.
- Be mindful how you’re perceived. Reputation carries weight to every interaction you have with your coworkers. Show up on time, prepare, listen, articulate, follow-up and follow-through.
The second time I was unemployed didn’t happen until a few years later when I wanted to switch careers.
Taking these lessons to heart is what made me so sure that I wanted to be a product designer after being in software sales at IBM for a few years. It had been on my radar for quite some time and once I had the money to make the transition, I did it.
In spite of the current trends and the bumps and bruises along the way (being laid off in 2023 and 2025), I still have a strong conviction that this is what I want to do. Why? Because I enjoy getting better at it and the value I derive from doing the work.
Being unemployed has also taught me about the following:
On anger
I’m starting off with this one because I’m sure many of you have experienced and are still experiencing this feeling. I admit, it’s difficult for me to write about.
It stems from not knowing what the hell just happened and why it happened to you. You thought things were going fine-to-good, and yet here you are…updating your resume and filling out your state’s unemployment benefits application (again).
My anger doesn’t so much relate to “this is happening to me”, but from “this is happening to my family”. I have a wife and two-year-old son and I have times when I feel hate in how it affects us in the present, and the potential effects it may have on us in the future.
Anger has a way of bubbling up and it’s natural to feel it…but it cannot determine how you handle this situation.
It cannot determine how you show up for yourself and for the people that depend on you.
And it cannot determine how you’ll handle the next opportunity.
I tell myself to turn that anger into steady determination…because I’m determined to use this situation to get better. Now, I’m not sure how healthy that really is, but it works for me.
On physical health
Speaking of health, let’s get physical.
Now that you have more time on your hand, one of the best (and first) things you can do for yourself while unemployed is to get physically active. Your days feel more accomplished, you get better sleep, and you feel more energetic over time.
After my son goes to daycare, I like to start my days off with a 1-hour workout which gives me energy for the rest of the day to tackle other things around the house, or with my job search. This is a privilege I’m grateful to have because because of my health and the support I have around me.
Plus, it’s just nice to get away from a screen.
On mental health
Some of what I already wrote also applies to mental health so I’ll share more about my current experience.
I get anxious if I don’t feel like I’m trying to find my next role AND bettering myself each day professionally. Yet, that takes time. Time I have to carefully manage.
Chalk it up to the pressure I feel to distinct myself in an already tough job market that is also in an AI-transition.
It’s a feeling I have to manage throughout the week as I balance what I want to accomplish throughout the day in between family time.
And what I want to get done on daycare days ideally look like this:
- 7–9am: Getting son ready for daycare
- 9–11am: workout, check off some family to-do list items
- 11am-12:30pm: job searching, networking
- 30 min lunch
- 1–4:30pm: job searching, upskilling
- 4:30–8pm: Get son from daycare, dinner/night-time duties
- 8–9pm: upskilling
- 9–11pm: relax
Not every day looks like this and that can add to my anxiety as time goes on. But if there’s anything to take away from this part is to think about how you’re managing your time throughout the day.
You become the time you devote it to and with a little more discipline, that may help chip away at those negative feelings you may find yourself feeling.
On handling distractions
Perhaps some of those negative feelings are coming from spending too much time on social media, or after bingeing a show, YouTube, etc.
Whatever it may be, I don’t blame you.
With the times we live in and the amount of free time unemployment can offer, it’s okay to get your mind off these predicaments.
The problem is we are all bombarded with so many things vying for our attention that it continually pulls us away from doing what we know is right, to consuming what is easy.
For me, that’s podcasts.
I listen to a lot of them to where it got to the point that I would determine how I would spend my time based on if I could listen to a podcast while doing something.
Even though I could remain productive in some areas of my life, it would prevent me from investing time in other things I should be doing.
I found a tool to help me combat that, but for more common cases, simply deleting Instagram/TikTok off your phone for the week, or until the night, may be enough to subdue that habit and the feelings that come from it.
On rejection
“Thanks for interest”, “No-reply”, “We found your background impressive, but…”
After awhile, it all sounds the same. I tend not to read these emails word-for-word, mostly for my own mental health. They also seemingly come into my inbox at the same time, usually on Mondays/Fridays which is always such a nice start to my week/weekend.
You can’t let it get you down.
Job searching is like dating. Rejection comes with the territory. All you can do is keep working on yourself, get out there, and something great will come along.
Special note on boutique recruiters
I had to get this off my chest.
Of all the things I don’t like about job searching, random recruiters reaching out from various staffing agencies is near the bottom of my list. In fact, it ranks just ahead of not having any income.
It’s not that I don’t welcome the opportunities, it’s just they never seem to actually be considering me despite how interested they make it sound.
This stems from taking calls while I was juggling newborn duties with my wife back in 2023. We would need to coordinate when/where I would take those calls only for them to not show up while I could tell with others that they didn’t know the first thing about me. Yet, they said in their outreach “I think you’re a great fit based on your experience at [fill in the blank]”, or “I think your portfolio is amazing!”.
9 out of 10 times, this still happens today.
I don’t know about you, but to me, it personifies the feeling of not being seen, or being given false hope to people already in tough circumstances.
So please, if you’re one of these recruiters reading this, just change your outreach to something more generic like “I’m interested in having a conversation with you about this opportunity”, and leave all of the gaslighting behind.
On having a support system
“You only fail if you give up.”
This is what my wife told me when I was laid off in 2023 and our son was a few months old. This provided comfort to me then and serves as my rallying call to this day.
You are not alone.
Lean on the people in your life and in your network to help you get through this period in your life. You’ll be surprised how many of them are willing to help, but you need to be open to it.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with this.
While I’m sure there’s something we could all have improved on in our last roles, what happened to you was not in your full control. It’s natural to have your feelings about it, but what matters now is how you respond.
I’ve learned something about myself after each of these events and I’m proud to say I’ve come back stronger each time. This time will be no different and you will be stronger too.
Originally published on Medium.